What exactly Is A Mid-Life Crisis.....AND Am I in One?

Hi Girls,

I've discovered I'm in the middle of a "mid-life crisis" and what a horrible thing it is. I have a difficult time with that phrase because, frankly, it could mean anything at all. I wonder if it's something that someone made up to either make excuses for bad behavior, mistakes, or to make people think the insanity they experience mid life is somehow normal.

My crisis takes the form of wondering why life did not turn out the way I thought it would. Don't misunderstand, I love so many aspects of my life (my hubby, my kids, my dogs, my family) to an enormous degree and could not live without them. However, I wake up and wonder "is this all there is?" I'm not talking about possessions (I always want more of the things I do not need), rather I'm talking about the lack of peace and serenity I wanted to have at this point in my life. A comfort level with who I am and what I do. The truth is that I am no more comfortable in my own skin than I was as an awkward 6th grader and I have no idea whether my vocation is either good or right for me. Addendum: As I was researching my malady, I found a wonderful article in Time on this very issue. (See Link to the left of this Blog.) It's extremely informative and leads me to believe that I am actually on a healthy and directed path to somewhere. Where? you ask, I have no idea. But I've decided the journey will most definitely be memorable and will involve much laughter----but probably no camping.

Truth be told, more than one person tells me they believe I am moving into a different phase of my life and all of this angst is part of the process. All I know is I can't bring myself to want to do anything. I'm thinking a break from life (which is wholly supported by the Darling Husband, but complained about bitterly by the Darling Children) is in order. I'd like to take 3 months, but I know that's not possible. I'll probably take a week (or so) and see if my musings lead me on a new path to what and who I want to be when I grow up. Gonna write, sing at the top of my lungs, sleep, drink an unhealthy amount of coffee and just enough water to keep the paramedics from showing up. I'm thinking about going to a lake, but the mountains sound nice. So do the woods somewhere where no one can find me where I can just burn a fire and stare into it. Sounds wonderful, admit it....

I've not been reading as voraciously as I have in the past few years only 1-2 books per week. I a about to start reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, by Steig Larsson, which has been highly recommended to me. For any of you willing to join me, fair warning -- it's got some edgy parts to it and is not for the faint of heart as I understand it. His series, starting with this book, however, has received great reviews. I understand he finished the last just before his death.

Of course, I'm still reading my completely outrageous books with no literary value and lovin' every stinkin' minute of it. I'm back to reading Jill Shalvis. She's bright, witty and writes great dialogue. Waiting and waiting for another Jennifer Cruisie book. Thanks a lot, Ann L, for turning me on to them, now I'm insane waiting for her to write another!!! Light a fire under her or something. I know you of all people can find her and make her do what we want. Get on that, will you? I blew through the latest Sookie Stackhouse book in literally 2 days. I tried so so hard to make myself go slow, but it's like eating my Ma Maw's chocolate cake: if you don't eat it fast, you'll just make yourself crazy. I've also read all of J.R. Ward's Brotherhood of the Dagger series and have to wait another forever for her to put another out. Shelly Laurenston has a new book coming out any day now (if it's not out already). She write a great paranormal romance series and she is extremely entertaining in her dialogue and stories.

I'm humbly admitting I've embarked on my own writing adventure--fiction, naturally. I'm making myself be dedicated to front end research and development of characters and plotting and am spending about 3 hours a day on it. When the writing begins, my goal will be 100 pages per day with great happiness if I achieve more. I know myself well enough to know that I must have it all outlined and planned before I jump. I'm pleased with the premise and hope that it ultimately comes to life. We'll see. . . .

I'm about to sing in a performance of Faure's Requiem Mass with my church choir. I have, in the past sung the Soprano part, but this year am singing the Alto part. It's like I'm singing a completely new piece. I'm struck again at how incredibly beautiful it is. The Baritone solo alone makes it worth listening to repeatedly. If you can't come hear us, download the recording directed by John Rutter (a genius himself) and performed by the City of London Symphonia and The Cambridge Singers. You must listen to it a couple of time before you begin to hear the haunting and beautiful themes. The piece is replete with angst and despair and the Paradisium resolves itself in such an angelic way. Give it a try, even if classical music ain't your thing.

Lately, the music I'm drawn to must be refreshing. I have discovered singer/songwriter Leslie Mendleson's new release - Swan Feathers. She's a bright new voice that is neither too peppy nor morose. Just what my doctor ordered. Also, you MUST check out Jillian Edwards EP, "Galaxies & Such". My sweet, gorgeous and wonderful songbird, Kelsey Taylor recorded this with Jillian and it's great. Download it and be completely refreshed.

What are you reading, writing, listening to or watching? Expect monthly updates (maybe more if I feel like it).